Making connections through Dungeons & Dragons

Three days ago, my son Vincent was killed in a pedestrian/automobile accident. They were 25.

I cannot begin to describe what I'm feeling right now. It's a grief that is both surreal and indescribable. Thank you for your kind comments and condolences.

I have been estranged from my children from a previous marriage for about 8 years now. The reasons aren't important, but what is happening now is.

And it in part is about our shared love for D&D.

Vincent reached out to me a couple of years ago via text. He wanted to reconnect and rebuild a relationship. There were a couple of phone calls, but mostly text. Millenials wanting to text versus Gen-X'ers who will still talk on the phone, but I was OK with it. However,/whatever they wanted, at the pace they wanted.

One of the things we connected on was through D&D. They played D&D with friends and drew a lot of their characters. Vincent was a fantastic artist. He had an eye and a way of drawing that was very evocative. He'd been drawing since an early age and always came back to it.

We texted about our respective games. He had known, previously living with me, of my love of old school D&D and miniatures painting. He was really encouraging of my results, and I shared a lot of pics with him.

Vincent had grown quiet and busy over the past few months with self-work and school, but I know that he was still playing.

I'm still going to play D&D this coming Sunday, in part in memory of him.

Today, I had coffee with my ex and my youngest child, Adrian. They had played a bit of D&D with me and my step-son back in 2009, 2010. They are still playing today! They found it really funny that I had saved those character sheets from ten years ago.

It served as a nice way of sharing and reconnecting. They are quite the fun-troublemaking player, and we had a lot of laughs at their stories of their shenanigans. They spoke about how D&D enriched their life and even get them through tough spots. T

This thing that we do - it creates connections and shared experiences that allow us to bridge differences and distance. It is more, at times, than just a game.

In this really fucked up moment in my life, when I am doing something unbelievable - grieving the death of a child - that small though, those memories and shared enjoyment give me a comfort.

Hug your loved ones and cherish your friends and your D&D. We are not guaranteed tomorrow and we can be taken away at the blink of an eye.


  1. I'm really glad that gaming let you forge those memories together with Vincent, and that you were able to reconnect in part through it.

    I'm so sorry. Big hugs to you and your family, sir.

  2. I don't have words. I'm just glad that D&D could provide a connection for the two of you.

  3. I am so sorry to hear about your loss Mike. As a parent myself I feel really bad just reading that. Cherish the memories, hang in there! Like Allandaros said, big hugs to all of you.

  4. Well said, Michael. I am sorry for your loss and extend condolences to you and your family. May Crom bless, my friend.

  5. Thank you for your condolences. Hug your children and your loved ones. Love them now. Today. This minute. Please.

  6. I will definitely take your words to heart. Thank you.

  7. I'm sorry for your loss.
    You're completely right. *Never* pass up an opportunity to tell a loved one that you love them.
    You just don't know how many you'll get.

  8. I think that the gift of roleplaying is a special thing we can give our kids. I know that my kids all enjoyed the time we played together, and my two boys continue to play to this day and my oldest loves to talk about it with them.

  9. I’m terribly sorry for your loss. Thoughts and prayers to you and your family, Michael.

  10. I am sorry for your loss. Friendships make everything easier to bear. I’m happy you managed to reconnect!

  11. I am really sorry to hear about that, Michael. No father deserved that. I hope you can cherish the good moments you have had together, and that gaming - in its small way - can be a positive force in your life. Be safe, and yes - hug your loved ones.

  12. I'll be keeping you and your family in my thoughts. Best wishes to all of you.

  13. Thank you all for your continued thoughts and kind comments. This weekend was really tough, going down Saturday downstate to pack up his things. All that life, in the back of my car. It doesn't seem fair, and it's not.

  14. Michael, I'm very sorry. Sincere best wishes to you and your family.

  15. I'm so sorry to hear about your son.


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