Sometimes, the best move is not to play...
It's been happening for the past couple of weeks now, I don't know if it's unforeseen fallout from the pandemic/quarantine, if it's the explosion of pain and anguish felt by a significant portion of our population that has become so visible, I don't know... but it's gotten extremely difficult for me to even contemplate rolling dice, much less getting myself into the frame of mind to create and play.
We can (hopefully) make more money, get more "stuff", but the one thing we can't make more of is time. That's why I try to take the time we share together seriously. People are spending two to six hours of their lives at a time with me. Sure, it's a shared experience, I'm getting my ya-ya's fulfilled by DM'ing as much as they're enjoying playing, but it's still an investment. I don't ever want to take that for granted.
That's why I had to cancel my June games. I'd much rather risk campaigns going stale than to play a half-assed session, wasting my players' time, and ultimately my own time.
This break will give me some time to self heal. I've been struggling in all aspects of my life, with my family, with my job, hell, just with my own self looking at the reflection in the mirror.
I do worry that the pause can cause disinterest and drift away. But... this has to be done.
So, for June, I'm taking a break from podcasting, DM'ing, writing... just going to work in the yard, do some other things that fuel my creative self and try to reconnect with some joy in my life. This has been far harder than I thought it would be, and the unforeseen toll it's taken on me and my loved ones is a debt that has to be partially paid now.
I am talking about this in partial hopes that perhaps it will help someone else struggling. I can't be the only one who is feeling like they're pushing through a miasma. Maybe I am. But if not... it is OK to tell your friends "I need a break, please be understanding."
The outpouring of support and messages has been uplifting and I'm really grateful. Probably more than I can ever put into words.
Take care of yourselves.