The Agreement to be More Welcoming to Non-White-Male Gamers

I've been thinking about this since news of Ms. Price who felt sexually harassed by Frank Mentzer and twittered about it. Since reading the 50-odd page thread on rpg.net about Mentzer, then about Bill Webb, and about Paizo's NDA and other stories. I've been thinking about this since rereading the story about the Canadian Game Store case where a woman was sexually harassed in the store. I've been thinking about this since remembering and reviewing things I've seen around the RPG community. I've been thinking about this since the #metoo social media campaign.

I've had three marriages in my 50odd years, and roughly six other serious relationships - as an adult. All nine of those women had stories of sexual harassment and assault. Watching post after post on social media roll by the past week, and the comment after comment that told the same story. It was fucking awful and just... yea. As someone that has daughters and granddaughters... it makes me sick.

So.

This post is about what I'm going to do at my game table. Whether it is at a convention, game store, my own home, at the library - wherever I pick up dice as a DM or player.

1. I am going to make sure that there is a welcoming environment for women/women-identified/POC/trans.  I'm going to remember to be a decent fucking human being. I'm not going to tell jokes that I think would make them uncomfortable. If I do slip up, I'm going to apologize. I'm not going to generate situations, either sexual or racial, just to rile up the table, to "make a joke" or make a point or be creepy or any other reason.

2. If I see behavior at the table that is making someone else uncomfortable, or is harassing them, or someone informs me of same, I'm going to call it out. If the player won't stop it, and/or the Game Referee continues to permit it, I'm going to leave the game. If I'm the Game Referee, I'm going to issue one (1) warning, then ask the person to leave. In either case, if I have to get event staff involved, I will.

3. If I witness physical, non-consensual behavior at my table, I will call it out and talk to the DM. That person needs to be ejected from the table. If we're at an event, I will get event staff involved.

4. If someone comes to me believing that they've been harassed, I will listen, I will believe that they feel harassed. I will help them in the way that they wish, whether it's from "I just need to talk, I'm not ready to do anything else" on up to "I need someone to be with me when I go and do something about it."

These are not hard fucking things to agree to. These are basic, decent, human-like behaviors.

So if you like to feel up "the girlies", or make your character into creepy, rapey types, or you like to "push the edge, what's the problem, it's just a joke" or you think it's OK to make the people of color feel unwelcome by treating them like shit -- fair warning. I've agreed not to put up with YOUR shit and I will call it out, I will do something about it.

That's my agreement. What will you agree to?

PS. Just a fair warning. This post is about what will I (and hopefully you) agree to do to make your game more welcoming to everyone else. This isn't about whether Frankie is or isn't a creepy guy. This isn't about "SJW" bashing or #notallmen or whatever other shit you want to grind your axe about. There are plenty of other places to go have THOSE discussions.

This is my house. I will clean it of comments that go down the roads I just said we're not going. If you're gonna cry about free speech, here's a primer on what "free speech" really is.

Comments

  1. I'm a reader of your blog not a regular commentator but thanks for these rules and for this public statement.

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  2. When you make a political statement on a gaming website, you will find your audience becomes more selective.

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    1. I'm OK with that, if people see being a decent human being is merely political and not just something that we should do and be to each other.

      It's not too hard for someone to dig around and find out that I lean towards social liberalism. If someone wants to completely stop reading me because of that... I'm OK with that.

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  3. Totally agree... Being a white European man I know I can be somewhat non PC at times and a little insensitive. However if I ever cause others to feel uncomfortable or marginalized call me out. I am old enough to remember when society was very white male dominated, which was when this game started. You cannot change history, only learn from it. We have to be very careful when looking back and judging by today's standards, not condoning, just being realistic.

    I will not play in a game that I believe has any predjudice against others .

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    1. (If this is the same chris... I think it is... ) You know my table. This is the way I run it. "Don't be a dick." is a great philosophy to live by. I don't understand why it's so hard.

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  4. If anything good will come out of this kerfluffle, it's finding out who has good character and is willing to own up to flaws and commit to doing better in the future. *thumbs up* We need more of you around.

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  5. Excellent. I have been thinking of much same things and I agree.

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  6. Sounds quite smart. When another commentator said that your audience narrows when you make prays like this, well, maybe that's a good thing.

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    1. Long time no comment!

      I think we're seeing a weeding out and a shift on this sort of behavior. I think we've hit a critical mass - to where the generations that weren't raised in environments like those of us who grew up in the 40s-80s are reaching a majority point and becoming "the voice."

      Change or die. Change is tough, especially as I get older, but it has to be done.

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  7. Hat tip to you, sir. Well said. I don't get why people can't observe basic good manners. It's a big world with a lot of different people and ideas. If you're all gathering around the same game table, then you've got that one thing in common. Folks just need to sit down, shut up and enjoy being human together.

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  8. I would think, "have basic manners," should cover all your bases. I run my game differently, but that is my table. In rural environments, people are prejudiced to not be friendly to arcane-casting types. In the cities, the wizards hold almost every ounce of power, and the ones that are the target of their ire is the sorcerors.
    Mphs.Steve has a comment that I wholly agree with. I don't plan this game to deal with SJW stuff or help anyone with anything, sans us, rolling dice, and moving figures around a grid, and roleplaying we are in a dungeon.

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    1. I don't plan my games for any specific thing either. I don't think being a decent human being is particularly SJW or activist. I guess in this day and age of 45 and the deep divide into American tribalism, it's to be expected that it would be taken that.

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  9. As someone who has avoided running for (or playing alongside) some people because their actions make me uncomfortable, it's good to know that there are other Referees and players who will not tolerate that kind of behavior.

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    1. Hey! I've missed you and your posts. I'm glad you're still lurking. :)

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    2. Lurking is pretty much the size of it, yeah, for a few different reasons alas. I'm still out and about, though :3

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  11. Totally agree, well said. Have the same viewpoints. Found this blog from your twitter page after posting about an AD&D nite. :D

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  12. Thanks.
    To those who think this is "political", by ignoring the issue you are making a political choice.

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